I’m going to try and figure out how to explain to Wifey how I go through my 8-10 hour day home alone and get so little done by noting what I do throughout the day today.
4am – Wake up, smoke a cigarette, consider staying awake but the burden of those extra hours to fill is overwhelming so I go back to bed.
8:15 – Out of bed, smoke two cigarettes and drink coffee in the garage, no phone, trying to relax and think about my day. Go inside then back outside to smoke again immediately and check all selling platforms on my phone.
9:00 – Sit on the couch wondering if I will fall back asleep. Keep awake by checking out all the mood charting apps I have on my phone but don’t use. Open them all and only one seems like it may be helpful. I mark my mood, the cup of coffee I drank and a few other things of note but close out because it’s getting complicated now. Go out to smoke more. Make my daily to-do list.
9:30 – Stare at the huge, ominous pile of dishes on the sink. Stare at the huge pile of FBA stuff on the kitchen table. Choose the FBA stuff. Get some entered. Computer dies. Take it to the bedroom and sit in bed, entering info from my last shipment into Excel.
10:00 – Return phone call accepting a second teaching job for the fall. Although the head of my department is super nice I am pleased to get her voicemail and stumble through leaving a happy message. And I am happy to be accepting the job, I do love to teach.
10:15 – Start this post, smoke more cigarettes and drink my last cup of coffee.
11:00 – Decide to shower. It’s a hair-up day so it won’t take long. Put on real clothes because I know I will need to leave the house for cigarettes and to mail a package. Dread leaving the house. Smoke again and consider the dishes again. Decide on vacuuming, a much less daunting task.
11:20 – Go back in house and actually vacuum. Also fold and put away laundry and put more in the wash. Feel very accomplished, then remember the dishes and feel crappy again. Realize the last time I did dishes was Friday, a week ago, so not doing them is not an option. Feel a little energized from the vacuuming though, maybe the dishes won’t be so bad. Decide to do dishes after this cigarette. Decide to also watch Supernatural while washing dishes to take the edge off. Only one cigarette left though. Better check the car for more first. Remember there’s liquor in the freezer from the weekend. Consider having an afternoon drink once dishes and errands are done. Suddenly realize I haven’t cooked dinner since Monday. Wonder what to make tonight. Realize there will be dirty dishes almost immediately after all these are clean.
12:00 – Commence dishes and Supernatural. Almost immediately get call that the teaching job was given to someone else. Feel completely worthless because I didn’t have a reason not to call back immediately. Continue with the dishes anyway, knowing it will make Nicole happy to have a clean kitchen.
12:30 – Post dishes celebratory smoke. Still feel bad about the job because we really needed that money, but Nicole said it’s okay so it’s okay. Decide to leave the house for errands but am concerned about what I will do when I get home. Sitting in bed watching Supernatural sounds great. I can’t even remember what other things I could do. My mind is a complete blank. Smoke my last cigarette and know there’s no turning back, I will now have to leave the house. Reread this post for errors to put off leaving. Switch laundry to put off leaving.
1:00 – Finally hit the road.
1:15 – Uneventful and quick post office drop. Stop in at Mom’s job and get some unexpected cash for helping out yesterday. Very good turn around for the day. Spend 45 minutes hanging out, which makes me uncomfortable because I’m always uncomfortable around everyone, even Mom, which makes me a little sad but still leave in good spirits.
2:10 – Quick stop at the gas station. The attendant whom I used to work with at my (and her) old job is there and we have a pleasant exchange. I leave smiling, though I talked myself out of a hot dog, a donut, a giant pickle and a newspaper and left with only cigarettes and a Coke slush.
2:25 – Arrive home in a super good mood after seeing a guy on a scooter with a Mohawk helmet and hearing I Lived by One Republic in the car. Have a mini dance party and sing a long parked in the driveway, knowing that the minute my feet pass through the front door my mood will drop.
2:30 – Elevated mood remains when I see the clean living room floor. Take a trip outside to water garden and pick some things, which I haven’t done so far this week. Choose housework over work work and clear FBA stuff off table. Check the last thing off my housework list! Wow!
3:00 – First meal of the day, leftover Chinese. Feel like a superhero for getting so much done, but simultaneously feel worthless because I don’t do this every day. Feel guilty for wanting to end my productive day now and spend the next three hours messing around. Smoke and contemplate all these mixed emotions. Decide I’m a loser for missing out on that job. Decide against that afternoon drink because I have this Coke slush to give me comfort.
3:20 – Scroll through blog posts and see the one I read about Munchausen. Worry that I’m faking everything and am just a lazy loser. Worry my diagnosis is incorrect. Worry everyone hates me. Worry about going to the doctor. Worry about not going to the doctor. Worry about publishing this post. Chain smoke to avoid deciding what to do with the rest of my horrible day.
3:30 Decide to work on FBA shipment. Go inside and immediately decide to do yoga instead.
4:00 – Only two hours left. Feeling calm after yoga. Now what? Decide not to think about it. Get lost in YouTube videos about selling on EBay.
5:00 – Feel anxious about cooking dinner. Feel anxious about tomorrow now that today is almost over. Feel guilty about not completing FBA shipment. Wonder if I should do it. Realize it’s 5 and I can watch the news to bide my time. Suck it up and fold laundry while I’m at it. Get on the computer and look at all selling platforms three times each. Land on Facebook and feel sad after looking at all the happy people who have friends and vacations.
6:00 – Time to start dinner finally. Commence cooking and forget all my troubles.
6:45 – Nicole arrives home and my day is finally done.