I think I’m hypomanic. Since my Depakote increase, I’ve felt overall really stable – much better than before. This is my first bout of hypomania I think since before I was on the mood meds all together.
Wednesday night I had an upsetting incident at work, which left me frazzled and without focus on Thursday. Thursday night I couldn’t sleep. Friday I felt the same at work. And after work was when I realized I had a lot of weird energy, like buzzing under my skin, and I really wanted to just be doing something, even though I didn’t actually feel like doing anything at all. That’s usually when I realize something’s up. Yesterday Wifey asked if I was okay because I was being short with her, so that really sealed the deal.
I was really upset yesterday afternoon just because when I feel like this I don’t know what to do. I especially don’t like to be mean to Nicole. I don’t mean to do it.
It’s week four of training and I found out at the end of last week I’m not the only one frustrated by the rowdiness of our training class. That made me feel better.
I haven’t pulled away from my new acquaintances, but I do know once I have my regular schedule in July I likely won’t see them and I can just have quiet book-filled breaks if I want. I find that comforting. I also know, though, that I’ll be on a team then, and if I do want to acquaint myself with other folks I can.
I still get angry at people and it overwhelms me, and they notice my mood change though they don’t say anything. At first it worried me because I don’t want them to not like me. But I have to realize this happens to me sometimes and they probably aren’t going to dwell on it, and neither should I.
Wifey has been really great throughout this transition, constantly telling me she’s proud of me for doing something that’s scary for me and making sure I know she appreciates it. She’s been taking care of the house so I can relax when I’m home. She even cooked a special dinner and waited up for me one night last week (she goes to bed around 9, I get home at midnight) because I had a really bad night. Her encouragement keeps me positive.